"okay"
"always"

I have no real talents but i can take a selfie and take your order at the same time

»

methlabrador:

what if one day you were scrolling through your dashboard when you saw a picture that someone took of you doing something weird that you didnt know anybody saw you doing with like 20k notes 

8 hours ago on July 30th, 2014 |228,566 notes

princeburrito:

"The Flicking Candle Company"

lol clever clever clever use of name AND font.

8 hours ago on July 30th, 2014 |44,124 notes

hatelyn:

i went on a house tour today and saw like 6 new houses now all i want to do is build houses on sims 

8 hours ago on July 30th, 2014 |29 notes
callmeoutis:


DO WE CALL A PLUMBER OR AN ELECTRICIAN

callmeoutis:

DO WE CALL A PLUMBER OR AN ELECTRICIAN

8 hours ago on July 30th, 2014 |293,529 notes

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
8 hours ago on July 30th, 2014 |206,601 notes

jaclcfrost:

"why are you awake at three in the morning" asks the person who is also awake at three in the morning

1 day ago on July 29th, 2014 |513,493 notes

sakibatch:

jimmys face in the last frame tho omg

1 day ago on July 29th, 2014 |71,926 notes

carry-on-my-consulting-tardis:

I have two moods 

One is highly sophisticated intellectual who goes into complex thoughts and is always moody and deep

the other is an immature 5 year old that doesn’t know how to control herself or her language or her actions

there is no inbetween

1 day ago on July 29th, 2014 |153,783 notes

rnalevolent:

ever wonder how different your life would be if that one thing never happened

1 day ago on July 29th, 2014 |492,758 notes
default album art
Played: 2,016,131 times.

cardinal-signs:

petition to make this national anthem

this honestly one of my favorite tumblr things
1 day ago on July 29th, 2014 |249,596 notes